The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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