I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
