I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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