Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
