Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
