Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
