I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
