I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
