i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
