Well douche your snatch and let's go!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
