I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
