I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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