My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
