I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
