Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
