The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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