I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
