around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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