Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Four minutes until I can fart!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
