I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
