This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
