The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
