even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
