I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The best revenge is premature balding
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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