Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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