Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
