you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
