I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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