Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
