when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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