Got a toothbrush?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
