You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
