I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
