Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
