he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
