We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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