my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the condom got lost in my hair
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
