then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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