...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
