The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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