I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
