Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
