Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
