I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
