I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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