hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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