I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
