So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
