"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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