i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's blow job season.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
