Banned from zoo.
Again?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
