my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
