I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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