Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
