i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
