so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
