All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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