Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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