He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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