If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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