Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
