He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
