Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
