well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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