i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
