im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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