So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
