there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
