I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
