I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
