Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
