What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
