hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
