Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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