Are we in a gay sports bar?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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