I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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