you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
